"A Stammering Wife"

When deeply in love with Miss Emily Pryne,
I vowed if the lady would only be mine,
I would always be ready to please her;
She blushed her consent, though the stuttering lass
Said never a word except, "You're an ass--
An ass--an ass--iduous teazer!"

But when we were married, I found to my ruth
The stammering lady had spoken the truth ;
For often, in obvious dudgeon,
She'd say if I ventured to give her a jog
In the way of reproof, "You're a dog--dog--dog--
A dog--a dog--matic curmudgeon!"

And once, when I said, "We can hardly afford
This immoderate style with our moderate board,"
And hinted we ought to be wiser,
She looked, I assure you, exceedingly blue,
And fretfully cried, "You're a Jew--Jew--Jew--
A very ju-dicious adviser!"

Again, when it happened that, wishing to shirk
Some rather unpleasant and arduous work,
I begged her to go to a neighbor,
She wanted to know why I made such a fuss,
And saucily said, "You're a cuss--cuss--cuss--
You were always ac--cus--tomed to labor!"

Out of temper at last with the insolent dame,
And feeling the woman was greatly to blame,
To scold me instead of caressing,
I mimicked her speech, like a churl as I am,
And angrily said, "You're a dam--dam--dam--
A dam--age instead of a blessing."

~Anonymous